Published September 7, 2009
When did this life become so pointless
Please let me know
Where is my ambition
What happened to my goals
Every day is so repetitive
There is no more surprise
I already feel so old
Just waiting for my demise
I wish I could find that girl
The one who was going to do it all
She must be somewhere deep inside
Probably watching as I fall
I wonder what she thinks of me
And this sad life that I live
Maybe I’ll ask her someday
I hope she can forgive
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141,270 Literary Works • 674,332 Reviews
i really loved this poem because i felt thatg i could relate to it. it was very beautiful. Wow, i just don't know what to say. i really loved it. one nit pick- not every line needs to be capitalized.
This is really good! I also find a close relation to it. Life does seem truly monotonous at times. However, I'm sure it will get better over time. Once you finish school, and begin a career in something that you really want to do. Then things will get much better. However, this poem is straight from the heart, and I like it
About a year ago i would have related to this poem closely. I wrote something similar, but completely, pathetically longer. i shall post it soon. i would love for you to read it and comment.
One thing i dont particularly agree on is the phasing from 'life being complicated' to 'what that inner girl would think of me' it seems a little stop and start for my like and, like others have said, kind of singles out and directs the poem towards one gender.
other than that i like it.
Hello, Roon here! This caught my eye. It’s a nice poem, but it needs a little work.
Nitpicks!
Okay, first stanza is okay, but I think you could think of a better intro than that, if I’m honest. If it wasn’t for the fact I feel the same way, I would have left.
I can really relate to this bit, I’ve been waiting for some change for a long time now.
This is good, most can relate. Also, throughout this whole piece, there is no punctuation. you should definitely punctuate this piece, it needs it.
I like the idea behind this poem. I just think that it doesn’t make quite the impact that it should. I like the idea of the girl within. But is she not now a ghost? Anyways, this was a true delight. Thank you for posting. You should think about using some imagery here. Make us feel something for the voice in the poem. Why does she feel so hopeless? Has there been some huge change? Or did she just slip away silently? I think you should try to emphasise the sorrow this hopelessness brings.
Thank you for your time, hope this was helpful!
~ Roon
its good. but it would have been complete even without the mention of the girl... lets not restrict poetry to girls... lets write on general terms..
anyways i cant criticize u as these are your own feelings
just take this as an advice from a brother. PM me if u need any help.
NICE WORK! KEEP WRITING...
I'm not great at poetry but the fact that there is no punctuation caught my eye. I know that with poetry punctuation is used differently but you should probably have some sort of comma or period through out the whole thing. It was very meaningful for something as short as it is. Good job.
~peanut~
Wow! It's beautiful!
I usually don't review poetry but this caught my eye. Even though it's on the short side it has a lot of feeling. The rhythm is good and I think the words you used suit it perfectly. Good job.